An almost-raw look at my head space as I transition genders from male to female.

Monday, June 9, 2008

A day without makeup? What am I--sane?

I can't remember the last time I went an entire day without applying any makeup.

Ok. The truth is that I smushed a little pink lip balm onto my lips a couple of times, but that was it. Like lip balm counts.

This is important because I use makeup for feminization. Sure, it's also about making myself look prettier, but the process of doing that accomplishes the far more important goal of feminizing my appearance, and that makes me feel better in some strange and basic way. It makes me feel more secure in who I am. Writing that sentence makes me cringe at my insecurity. I don't like feeling dependent on makeup for my sanity.

Anyway, today I just never got around to it. I looked at myself in the mirror several times, and I saw woman-in-waiting, not man. I managed to stay in the positive column on the gender scale all day, fueled only by internal certainty, and the acceptance and support of the family and friends around me.

I feel like I should get a ribbon. This is a win! Sure, some people aspire to more, but a makeup-free Sunday at the cottage is downright sane, and sane is highly prized by me.

I'm dying to put on my makeup tomorrow. :D

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You write very well.