I was sitting at my desk, and for the first time, I really felt how lucky I am to get to change my gender. Now that I finally feel secure in my transition--secure that I'm going to transition, and that nothing will stop me except me, and I will only stop myself if I come to believe it's the wrong path for me. And I'm more certain that this is the right path for me than I have ever been of anything in my life. If there's one thing I know, it's this.
It's bizarre to have fought so hard against myself (and to a lesser degree against those closest to me) to come to a point where I feel empowered to change my gender. Transition really is the nastiest wartiest consolation prize a person could win.
When I began to consider it as a possibility, I was horrified by the thought. Most people would feel exactly that way--horrified, and I had always worked really hard to fit in with most people. But at this point, steeped in self understanding, I'm grateful, and I know that countless millions of humans have lived and died before me and are living now in the world around me who have the same problems without access to the solutions, let alone safe, caring access.
It's nice to feel lucky again. I can't remember the last time I felt lucky to be me.
