Stop hating me because I'm not hideously ugly

I have the mixed, but mostly good fortune of being a fairly attractive person. I was hot as a man, and I'm still borderline-hot as a trans woman. I'm also lucky enough to be 5'8" with a size 10 shoe, so my size isn't a big tell.

This is the best photo of me as a woman. In fact, it is the only photo I like. It was taken at a fashion show that my lovely friend S. persuaded me to model in. They straightened my normally curly hair, and slathered makeup all over my face in a professional way, and I ended up looking pretty good!


Being a passably attractive trans woman is a mixed bag. I wouldn't choose to be less attractive, but it's not the bed of roses you might imagine.

The good:
I look good, and I feel good as a result. More valuable--and this one makes me feel guilty as hell--is that because I look ok as a woman, it seems to be easier for people to accept me as a woman.

The bad:
I'm not inconspicuous. People look at me, and the majority of those people clock me. So, walking down the street, I can sometimes feel the envelope of cognitive dissonance around me as others are confused by my gender and presentation.

The other bad seems to be that other trans women tend to look at me like they want to strangle me. I can understand the way they feel. I won the looks lottery as a trans woman, and many trans women struggle very hard in life thanks in part to their looks.

I'm heading over to the CAMH support group this evening. It should be interesting. I bet there'll be a full house. Lots of people are going to want to talk about surgery and OHIP coverage. I'm not looking forward to those I-want-to-strangle-you-your-struggle-isn't-real looks. That's bullshit. My struggle is still a fucking struggle!